I find it very difficult to believe the federal government of the United States passed a law stating that all passengers on a bus must be behind the white line before the bus can move.

And yet, that\’s what the driver on the bus yesterday morning told us, as we waited at a particularly popular stop for the ride to continue.

Now, as you may know, the bus system in the Twin Cities is called Metro Transit (I didn\’t name it, OK). And the Metro Transit bus drivers have been on strike for over a month now.

So really, when you think about it, it\’s pretty amazing that we haven\’t had any serious bus-related accidents in the last month, what with all the busses running around the city without drivers.

I wish the bus I was on yesterday morning had been one of those driverless ones, because I doubt the bus itself, absent a driver, would have been so stubbornly insistent on complying with the dubious federal law.

Alas, it wasn\’t a city bus, it was a University of Minnesota bus, so we were stuck with the driver who I\’ve come to know as \”Mr. Chubby Hispanic w/Sunglasses.\”

He appears in my notes on August 15 of last year as the driver of bus 660 (the same one I was on yesterday). In this case, he is noted not as \”Mr. Chubby Hispanic w/Sunglasses\”, but as \”Asshole Driver\”, a reference to the time when he came back and closed my window after I had opened it while we were waiting at a stop on a hot day.

Perhaps an essay about some of the other drivers is called for. They\’re in my notes as \”Happy Days\”, \”Robot Voice\”, and \”Rolling Stones\”, to name a few.

But not now.

Now, we are at the Moos Tower stop, on Washington Ave. in Minneapolis, on a very crowded bus. It was about 9 a.m., and everyone was on their way to work or class, most of us in a hurry.

But one more person, a woman who I can\’t see (too many bodies in the way), was trying to get on. She made it to the top of the stairs, when Mr. w/Sunglasses growled, \”We need everyone behind the white line.\”

This prompted the groggy, clumsy column of standing passengers to shuffle back about 1.5 inches in a halfhearted attempt to make room.

And still, no room.

\”OK, I just stand here,\” the woman said in a thick accent. Actually, it wasn\’t so much of an accent as it was a weird syntax that showed she had a shaky understanding of what she was saying.

But bus 660 is a by-the-book bus, apparently, and the driver made that clear, saying \”In this bus we will obey the laws of standing passengers.\”

No, he didn\’t. He said, \”No, it\’s not OK, it\’s a federal law, you can\’t stand there.\”

Asshole. He\’s the only driver (and I\’m pretty sure I\’ve ridden with all of them) that does this. I\’ve been on busses with Robot Voice where there were people practically hanging out the doors, third-world style.

I don\’t know if the woman was from the third world or not. But she sounded crushed when she said, \”So do I have to get off?\”

\”Yes, you do,\” he replied, in a tone of voice that a little-league coach might reserve for that moment when he has to tell his own son he\’s cutting him from the team.

I have to tell you, it was a moment that inspired compassion. Listening to her turn and walk slowly down the stairs, then watching the door hiss shut behind her, and the rumbling of the big diesel engine as we headed off, leaving her standing there in our exhaust.

I\’ll always wonder what became of her, that poor, confused traveler. Abused by the system, a victim of a strange law and a grumpy bus driver, she was too good for this world transit system.

Related:
How to walk to work when the busses don\’t run
Public transit fan

Update:
On the off chance that any of you University bus drivers are reading this, please accept my apologies. Really, you guys are great, and I appreciate your work. Except you, Mr. w/Sunglasses. You need to loosen up.

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 8th, 2004 at 12:01 pm and is filed under General, Travel. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.