Make way for this important announcement
Well, I was going to keep this a secret as long as possible, knowing the huge public outcry it would cause, but I finally decided you had a right to know: I’m going to quit writing.
Yep. That’s right. Hear those loud booms? Those are the pillars of humanity crumbling. Well, I hope insurance covers it, because come this Friday, July 30, I’m done.
FOR ONE WEEK! Hahahahahahahhahahahahhahah!
Ahahahahahahaha!
Ha!
Sigh. Whew.
Next week I’m on vacation. Up north, as we say here in Minnesota (although to most people the whole state is ‘up north’). We’ll be staying just 10 minutes south of the Canadian border in a cabin right on Lake Superior. At night you can hear the big lake’s little waves lapping at the smooth-rocked shore. That, and the sound of Canadians, lots and lots of Canadians, just minutes away.
Amazing how their voices carry.
Have you ever thought how weird it is that I, a Jew of eastern European descent, son of Argentines, now feel totally at home vacationing in the northern Minnesota hinterland? Sure you have. Can you imagine seeing a born-and-bred northern Minnesotan talking it up with the locals in Rio, wearing one of those scant thong-bottom swimming suits? If you can, I salute your healthy imagination.
But come on, have you been to Minnesota? Thongs?
Anyway, I anticipate a relaxing week, lots of painfully cold, wonderful swimming in the biggest lake in oh-I-don’t-remember-the-statistic-but-it’s-pretty-huge. Should be real pretty up ‘dere, you ‘betcha. As long as the bugs aren’t too bad (they can be a problem, you know).
My big dilemma has been whether I should bring my computer with (if only all the world had such dilemmas). On one hand, I just want to relax and forget about any obligations. On the other hand, I’m terrified that if I stop posting for a week, I’ll never be able to start again.
You see, writing is like riding a bike; you never forget how. But coming up with ideas of what to write about is very different. The less you write, the harder it is to think of something to write about (at least for me). And already the hardest part of my week is coming up with things to write about every day (the second hardest part is getting to bathroom in the morning, but I’ve already covered that).
If I don’t keep writing while I’m on vacation, it’s going to be hell getting back into it when I get back. So I’m pretty sure I’m going to bring my laptop along.
Of course, by that reasoning, I’ll never be able to stop writing, which is a scary thought. I mean, what if I wanted to stop? Maybe there’s some kind of rehab therapy for writers who want to quit…
… sure there is, it’s called TV. Preferably cable TV.
Of which there is none where I’m going. The cabin has a TV, but it only picks up one channel, and it picks it up like floss with a chopstick. If I ever quit writing, it’s not going to be next week.
So, if you only read the first and last paragraphs of this, here’s what you got:
1) I am an arrogant egotist and I’m going to quit writing.
2) I’m not going to quit writing and I don’t know how to floss. Or use chopsticks.
All in all, a pretty accurate description of what’s going on in my life. The other, shorter way of saying all that goes like this: On vacation next week. Up north. No posting.