Current events
Though I doubt any of my reader(s) rely on me as their sole news source, it is possible that some of you don’t have time to read as much as you’d like. And even for those who do, it occurs to me that some of you might not be browsing the exact same Internet as I am.
So, here are some of the things I’ve come across in the last six days (according to my browser’s history):
The smoking-ban ball which I so adeptly got rolling (read: had nothing to do with) is now continuing to roll. Bloomington, that vanguard of all new and good things (Mall of America, Ikea, car-dealerships) passed a law banning smoking in all bars and restaurants. Minneapolis followed with a similar ban which will go into effect March 31, 2005. As a result, Saint Paul mayor Randy Kelly has said he’ll now support the smoking ban he vetoed just a few weeks earlier. I know, it seems silly, but give him a break, he just wants to fit in. You know how teens are.
Speaking of bad drivers: thanks to a ruling by the Minnesota State Court of Appeals, the next time some jerk blasts by you on the shoulder you can stick your head out the window and shake your fist. But wait, couldn’t you always do that? Well, yeah, but now you can do the “that-was-illegal-you-law-disrespecter!” fist-shake. Many thanks, Court of Appeals, for making passing on the shoulder illegal. I am sure your ruling will have a great impact on the driving habits of horrible, incompetent motorists everywhere.
Of course, we all know the real culprits are the big oil companies, what with their illogical subminal advertising and such (drink more petroleum, drink more petroleum). With gas prices up and the global warming also up, it’s no wonder people are driving like madmen. They’re rushing to get home, so they can donate their car to charity and buy a clean, efficient hybrid. Or maybe they’re just rushing to this gas station in New Jersey, where the owner stopped paying his rent and announced cut-rate prices. Who’s his landlord? The Getty oil company (a subsidiary of Russian giant Lukoil). You know, it’s not enough these days to single-handedly take on a huge oil conglomerate, you’ve really got to go after a huge Russian oil conglomerate. I say props to my man Inder Parmar, the Quiki-Mart Revolutionary. I’m going to follow his lead and stop paying my rent, too.
Also: “Catwoman” is getting reviews so bad they’re fun to read:
“The Showgirls of superhero movies.”
– Robert K. Elder, CHICAGO TRIBUNE“[A] sloppy, dull, brain-dead waste of a movie.”
– Phoebe Flowers, SOUTH FLORIDA SUN-SENTINEL“Watching [Halle Berry] run around in that getup I felt embarrassed, the way I do for people who put on makeup before climbing a StairMaster — it’s too much.”
– Wesley Morris, BOSTON GLOBE
But then, I like reading bad reviews anyway.
And lastly, this guy has put all his mp3’s and CDs online, available for download. Illegal? Probably, especially if by “Illegal?” you mean “Free?”.
OK, that’s the internet I’ve been sloshing through the last week. What’s yours like? Comments below are appreciatedrequired.