It’s a little hard to take the electoral process seriously with people like Puff Daddy reminding me to “Vote or Die.”

There he is on television, along with a gaggle of celebrity friends, urging me to vote. This is done mostly through t-shirts bearing the threatening slogan, but also through hip-hop music, which we all know is the magic key to young peoples’ minds.

Is this what the founding fathers had in mind? Political advice from a man who changes his name every two years, but still can’t manage to get rid of the word “Puff”?

Vote or die is right, I say. But only insofar as it’s taken to mean, “Don’t do both.” We have enough trouble with near-dead voters in Florida as it is. I know it’s Halloween and all, but we don’t need no senile zombie disenfranchisement.

Ah, but why do I make light in the face of such momentous events? Is because I can’t contribute anything worthwhile to the fair and flowing stream of thoughtful commentary on the presidential race? HA! Of course not. I have many arguments sitting right here beside my desk waiting to be thought out. _Right…over…here…_ (runs away with laptop under his arm).

I have once been chided for providing political observations in this space, and I do not intend to be chided again. It is boring, I was told. Boring boring boring.

Plus, really, there are three-hundred-and-seventy-two billion political writers out there already. There’s no need to add another drop to the already swollen waters.

Basically it breaks down like this: when the Jehova’s witnesses came to my door wanting to discuss abstinence and Jesus, I said no-thanks-I’m-Jewish and my-girlfriend-lives-here-though-she-might-want-to-talk. When the Cub Scouts (OK, just one, actually) came to my door wanting to sell me a holiday wreath, I said no-thanks-I’m-Jewish but the-neighbors-are-Lutheran-and-I-bet-they-want-one (I was later informed that wreaths are religion-spanning; news to me).

When a young, hip-looking man with a goatee came to my door asking for contributions to the __________ National Committee I said no thanks. That’s all, just no thanks.

I don’t find myself motivated to participate in nitty-gritties of the democratic process. Just like I don’t see much reason to play along with the whole Christmas decorations fundraiser racket. I figure, if I don’t buy a wreath, millions of other people will ensure that sufficient wreath buying does in fact take place. Christmas will go on without me (oh, sorry; The Holidays will go one without me).

Does this mean I spurn the glorious civic act of voting in favor of an apathetic know-nothing attitude? By all means, sort of! Well, no. I voted the first chance I got after I turned 18. I voted again in 2002. And I will vote again in ’04 (not sure how).

I treasure my vote, really. I would gladly purchase and wear one of Mr. Daddy’s ‘Vote or Die’ t-shirts (although I think ‘Vote and Die’ would be a lot funnier). But the last thing I want is for my vote to be a life or death matter. I want to be on the winning or losing side of a large margin. Something where my decision couldn’t possibly have made the difference.

And isn’t that the whole point of a democracy, after all? I mean, the nice thing about voting is that (at least in theory), your vote never makes _all_ the difference. It’s the distribution of individual responsibility. Otherwise we’d just have a random person choose every four years, and 7 out of 10 politicians would be WrestleMania stars. (By the way, have you seen Jesse Ventura lately?)

No one wants to go to the polls thinking that there’s going to be a 50-50 tie, and their vote will break it. And lord (the lord of ‘holiday’ wreaths) knows we wouldn’t be very comfortable if democracy worked that way.

Democracy provides shelter in the crowd. It makes difficult decisions anonymous and compromised. And that’s how it should be. It’s set up precisely so you aren’t faced with the choice between Vote or Die.

You can vote. You _should_ vote. But if for some reason you fail to get to the polls on election day, don’t go doing anything drastic.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 27th, 2004 at 6:32 am and is filed under Religion. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.